January 2009
theprosaic:
Running up that hill - Placebo
For the longest time, I have been waiting for...
It never occured to me that for once, I had to save myself.
Oh, how I miss Seth Cohen.
Seth: Ohh ... I've missed you. It's been too long.
Ryan: You're talking to a boat, Seth.
Seth: Yeah, I talk to a plastic horse, too, but that never worries anyone.
Lately, I’ve been wanting to spend more time alone. As much as I love my friends, they get a tad too crazy, and there are times when I find my thoughts competing with the chaos. And, well, unfortunately, chaos wins, and my thoughts are left unheard.
I find myself wanting to take a step back, and re-group. I need to take time to re-organize my thoughts, and try to write. I haven’t...
Untitled
Together, we would go to places only our imaginations can conceive, those nobody else would understand, and no one dared to visit. We gave each other the understanding and acceptance we both longed for, but never received.
I don’t really know what comes after this. It will come to me soon, hopefully.
I feel strongest when I am in pain.
It is in hurting that I realize what I am capable of, and my ability to cope.
The irony kills me, yet it remains true.
I’ve yet to find beauty in defeat.
I have been uninspired.
It sucks when I can’t express myself, but it annoys me more when I don’t feel anything worth expressing to begin with.
This happens.
And I fucking hate it when it does.
I promise to write soon.
kapi:
Coldplay - Fix You
I need someone to fix....
stupidinboston:
justlearning:
...
It's been almost a year and a half.
I don’t think I’ll be able to wait any longer.
Tonight seals the deal, maybe it just won’t work out.
Maybe it’s time for us to accept that we’re just not happening.
Sadly, this is the farthest we can go.
Today, I remembered.
Something about the place triggered so many memories, those I’ve been trying to remember, but somehow can’t.
Today, for the first time in years, I did.
I sat on a bench, turned my iPod on, and took a journey in my head. I listened to one of the songs I loved then, and realized how hard it is to be left behind.
I find myself longing for those I can no longer have.
Today, I...
Why today was a fuckfest.
Today was fucked for a lot of things.
When I was backing out of my garage, I hit an owner-type jeepney that looked just a few scratches shy from a one way trip to a junk-yard.
I had to deal with my car (and my Mom’s wrath later on), so I was late for class. Again.
I talked to my department’s chair, and, what do you know, my great plan of graduating a little sooner got...
daieny:
sunlit-skies:
smartblonde:
Sia -...
Tonight, I find my thoughts wandering to places I have not been to in awhile, memories of the past I have long forgotten. I struggle to remember exactly everything that’s transpired, what exactly took place and where.
I remember.
At least, I think I do. Memories are faulty, after all.
Nevertheless, I still wonder. I constantly ask myself if we remember each moment the way it...
Today was the same as all the other days before it.
I went to class, sat there, listened, and sometimes participated. After class, I took a quick cigarette break, and went to run several errands around school. It took me around thirty minutes to finish everything I had to do, then I finally headed home.
I’d leave my car in a nearby mall when I’m too lazy to drive to school. I...
The night is silent, and so are my thoughts.
As much as I long for this whenever my mind is in utter chaos, I find the silence oddly unnerving.
I never thought I’d find comfort in the craziness of my thoughts, but I do.
Right now, at least.
I met Atila today.
When I saw Samson a few weeks back, I realized how much I missed having a dog. My Dad and I talked about it, and finally agreed to get one. We found several ads online and considered two sellers. We settled for one of the breeders, and went to see the puppies today.
I fell in love almost instantly.
She’s a cream colored micro-mini dachshund, the prettiest thing I’ve ever laid eyes...
The most pointless conversation I've had so far in...
S (Someone who was asking if I could lend her money after not being in good terms for several years, sent me a text message at 2am): Hey Nadine, you still up?
Me (8 hours later): Hey, sorry I was charging my fone. What's up?
S: It's alright. You know (name)?
Me (Not entirely sure where the conversation is going): Uhh, no.
S: She graduated from DLSU, too. She knows you and (ex's name), you know, your ex :)
Me (Annoyed, still not seeing the point of the conversation): Hahahha, never heard of her. She might have been introduced to me, but no, her name doesn't ring a bell.
S: I asked her if she knows you, at first she wasn't sure, then she asked me if you had an ex-boyfriend named (ex's name).
Me (Still not seeing the point of texting me at 2am for something so stupid, and unbelievably annoyed at her stupidity): And?
S: Well, that's it.
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I saw him, probably for the last time in my life. He saw me, too. Nothing was said, not even a smile. It’s a shame, really. I have a million things to say to him, if only I could. I don’t think he ever knew what happened to me when he left. Those sleepless nights, drunken mornings, and the blurry hours in between. How my thoughts took me to the most unwanted places, making me...
Unable.
I find myself only able to write when I am hurting and confused.
It’s been this way for the longest time.
I wonder why I can not bring myself to write anything remotely decent when I’m happy.
How can I not find inspiration in beauty and happiness?
I fear I’ve let my creativity go hand in hand with my misery.
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To Wish Impossible Things by The Cure
But now the...
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bitchville:
Seal - Kiss From A Rose
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copycats:
“The Scientist” by Johnette Napolitano...
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On days like these
I sometimes feel the urge to leave everything behind and live elsewhere.
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Equilibrium.
I found this in my old blog, dated February 17, 2008.
it hurts that i can no longer remember. i rack my brains desperately trying to find a memory of you. a vivid one.
i try hard. i lie down, i sit up. grab a cig and smoke. i think. nothing. finally, i get my ipod, play heart-wrenching songs that would trigger something inside of me. and so, the pain begins, once more.
nostalgia takes...
HOLY SHIT I WAS WRONG
Classes start on the 7th.
OH YEHES.
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Books I grew up with
My cousin handed me my first paperback when I was six. I’ve been reading non-stop since.
That explains how fucked I am without my contacts/glasses
Harry Potter series
I started reading them when I was 9. At the time, three books were already published. I can’t believe I waited for 11 years.
Sweet Valley ...
athazagoraphobia
- The fear of being forgotten
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6od:copycats:bunkercomplex
“Teardrop” by Newton...
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It’s amazing how Death Cab’s songs...
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Classes resume tomorrow.
I want to finally get this out of my system:
I can’t wait to get the fuck out of school.
All my friends are graduating left and right, and here I am, still in a constant battle with college stress.
I hate being left behind.
I hate people seeing me as so academically inept, when I most certainly am not. I failed Algebra, ok? That’s it. I’m bad at Math. No, I’m terrible...
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indierawk:
carmenmariah:
megg:
Imogen Heap -...
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Where I (want to) go (hide) when things are...
We all know how this feels, wanting to get away from everything and everyone when nothing seems to happen the way we want them to. These are the places I find comfort in, where I go when I want to forget, even for awhile.
My room
My parents’ room
Cebu
Church (I’m serious)
Concert
The Bay Shopping Center, Richmond, Vancouver.
Department stores
Vintage shops
Flea markets...
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Because I find listmaking therapeutic.
I’ve decided to sign up on Listography.
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It's not you, it's me.
I wonder how many times I’ve heard this line, or how many times I’ve used it myself. It’s human nature, isn’t it? We blame ourselves for a relationship gone sour, hoping to spare the other’s feelings.
Doesn’t it ever occur to us that no matter how we sugarcoat our reasons, it all boils down to the bigger picture: that change is in order; the end credits will...
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